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18 September 2012 @ 05:54 am
I've been thinking somewhat recently about roads to nowhere. 

Not, in a metaphorical sense. Legitimate roads that lead to nowhere. Unfinished freeway roads, subway tunnels without a station at the end, a hole you can fall through that isn't a real hole. That kind of thing. 

In video games, from my little understanding of the genre, when programmers want to cut an element from the game, like a level or a character design or some extra dialogue, rather than just deleting it, they leave the coding buried in the final game. A lost level isn't destroyed, rather, all entrances to it are blocked. With characters, their models and dialogue are simply stopped from appearing but still exist. You can hide entire unfinished worlds in a game and unless you find a person savvy enough to hack into it. 

This has fascinated me for a few years now. I don't play many games, I never had much of an opportunity, but I have played through almost all of the Kingdom Hearts games and have enjoyed them tremendously. The phenomenon of hidden, unfinished worlds in games first came to my attention when someone announced that they had found the remnants of an incomplete world based on The Jungle Book buried in the data of Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep. I was linked to a YouTube video where you're able to watch the game's familiar protagonists wander through this disjoined, surreal landscape of half-textured plants and paths that lead to nothing. You can see the beginnings of a complete world, but there are so many things wrong it's almost dreamlike. The fact that this strange place was hidden in something as simple as a video game, something I could conceivably buy at the Walmart down the road from me, intrigued me in a way I wasn't entirely expecting. 

I saw a picture today of an unfinished Chinese amusement park called Wonderland. It was created in a strange attempt to rival Disneyland, but apparently fell to the wayside when Chinese farmers and environmentalists began protesting the government's use of their land. All that stands is the eerie skeleton of a large pavillion, a few decaying buildings, and an enormous, only half-finished Castle. The castle is the obvious draw of the site, as it looks distinctly like something a video game programmer got halfway through rendering and then just buried in the back of the game. It stands in the center of a large field which is still used by farmers, giving us the surreal image of average people working in the fields next to an enormous, half-dead fairy tale castle. 

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently on the nature of reality. If I could give you a legitimate reason for why this has been on my mind so much, I would. This image struck me, both in how much it reminded me of my fascination with hidden, virtual worlds, and how it is entirely indicative of how unimaginably strange the world really is. The idea of a farmer's field with a giant, skeletal castle in the center of it is something that seems like it should be in a book or a movie. It's unreal, except for the fact that it is entirely real. It got me thinking about the strange, unreal things that surround us in our day-to-day life, things like unfinished roads to nowhere, or abandoned hospitals. The real world can, at times, have such an intensely unreal quality to it that it is almost overwhelming. It's amazing, and intriguing, and just so damn interesting that I wonder if I'll ever be able to piece it all together and make sense out of it, or if I even really want to. 
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: The sound of the rain, mostly.
17 August 2012 @ 03:40 am
The door of the bulding I'm currently working in has a distinct habit of opening on it's own. 

I'm supposed to be listening for the mechanical opening of the doors on either side of the booth. The opening sound indicates the presense of people, which indicates that I may soon find myself in the position of having to sign someone in or retrieve a visitor's ID. This being summer and nearly three in the morning, it isn't a position I find myself in often, so the sound brings a certain degree of excitement in that I might, for once, actually have something to do. 

Looking behind me and noting that there is no one coming through the door, despite hearing and seeing the door open, does lend itself to certain foreboding thoughts, especially when you're working alone in the middle of the night. I wouldn't call it frightening. Generally speaking, recent events aside, I'm not the sort of person who is easily scared by eeriness. I tend to just find it interesting. 

The reason for it is obviously, rationally, the fact that the motion sensor is somewhat overractive. But wouldn't it be interesting if it was something else? 

Perhaps I should look for a more interesting job. 
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Current Location: Netherlands Security Booth
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: The Food Network
06 August 2012 @ 01:17 am
Hey everyone! I'm not dead. 

I'm currently at work. I'm bored, and watching Bridezillas. I've been wandering the vast and intricate web of Livejournal lately on a hunt for Twin Peaks fanfiction, and in that search, I realized that a non-melodramatic entry in my own journal was somewhat long overdue.  

So here I am.

I think Bridezillas has convinced me that, when and if I get married, eloping seems to be the way to go. My family is big on giant parties, so obviously, there would have to be one of those eventually, but as far as the ceremony goes, running away and doing it in secret seems to appeal to me more than anything. I remember freshman year my roommates and I used to joke that I should get married in the Egyptian wing at the Met. I think we had the whole thing planned out, at one point. Somehow I have a feeling that's not going to come to fruition.

Did you know that over 50 million adults suffer from sore mouth? Did you know that there's an actual condition called sore mouth? Apparently we're all in danger, and the only thing standing between us and the orally painful collapse of society is green mouthwash sold at one in the morning during Bridezillas. Who knew?
Current Mood: awake
06 May 2012 @ 03:59 am
So, I'm drunk.

Like, extremely drunk. The kind of drunk that makes you...well, really, quite drunk. I need a better analogy. I suppose it feels like the world around me has been fucked by a gangster kangaroo, or some sort of radioactive stingray monster. All of that. The feels. They're happening. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Being drunk. This, apparently happens. I'm not used to being this fucked up. I feel like, half the time, when I am drunk, I turn to my Livejournal. Maybe it's because people who I don't want to know that I'm drunk don't know about this journal. This thing is basically anonymous, except for a few select people. And some people I know on the interwebs. 

I just. I don' t know. Things. Melodramatic things. All the melodramatic things. They're all happening to to me at once, like an explosion, something eldrich, and...I don't understand it. At all. 

When it comes down to it, there's very little I don't understand. 

Except for when I don't. Which, lately, has been a lot.

The world is so fascinating. People, in particular, are so interesting, and when I notice things I just don't know what to do with it. I don't know what to do with this interest, and it's sort of fucking with me. A lot. People are keeping me going, in a psychological way, but I don't know what to do with the knowledge I find in them. 

Horrible things are about to happen. 
20 December 2011 @ 01:45 am
So, after nearly two years of ignoring this story, in an attempt to keep myself sane during my finals week, I've decided to ressurect this slightly dead story. I'm...um, sorry about the delay, though I suppose at this point "delay" is sort of an understatement. 

Title: Bête Noire (7)
Summary: The lives of two geniuses, overlapping and falling apart. 
Warnings: None, really. 
Fandoms: Dollhouse/Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog
Characters: Topher Brink and Billy
Spoilers: A few for Omega. 
Author's Note: Again, I'm sorry for the two year long delay. This chapter just features Billy. Well, and Moist. 
Of Red Bull and PotentialCollapse )
Current Mood: tiredtired
17 June 2011 @ 07:47 pm

It's been a while. 

I'm bored and I'm sick right now. And feeling a bit...I don't know. Uninspired isn't exactly the right word for it, I've got plenty of ideas, just...I don't know. Stagnant. 

And so I thought I'd angst about it. 

It's times like these I miss being frighteningly involved in all those prompt and RP coms. I used to be clever_wanderer . It was a while ago, back when I was in high school. I caught myself going down the deep end, you know, spending more time on fanfiction and roleplaying and fandom than on anything that really held any meaning. A lot of drama happened, though none of it was really caused by anyone online. I took a good look at myself and decided I should probably stop. My fandom was taking over my life. I wept openly when David Tennant left Doctor Who. That was probably the moment I realized what I was doing. 

I'm twenty now. I'm pretty damn different than who I used to be. My life isn't consumed by theater anymore, I'm not obsessive about rehearsal and acting and performance and answering prompts and trying to play my RP character to the best of my abilities. I have other passions, but it's during the summer, when I'm not surrounding myself with them, that I miss having this other outlet. 

I have an obsessive personality, and right now, I'm lacking an obsession. 

How's that for some post-teenage angst? Personally, I think I could have been pretty adept at the whole "emo poetry" thing had I ever gotten my act together long enough as a teenager to write some. 
Yes, this is it. The index to my story for runaway_tales "The Untitled Story"

Clever title, no?

Anyway, this is mostly for people who may or may not read the pieces I plan to put up in runaway_tales so they don't get too confused when I post things out of order. Which I plan to do. A lot. It's an original piece, not fanfiction, and to be honest, it's not the most interesting of things. All I ask is that you don't laugh at this index. If you know me in real life, don't bring it up. It doesn't exist.

Also, yes, it takes place at on a university campus. You may roll your eyes, but you know, college campuses are surprisingly interesting if you spend enough time there and imagine all sort of crazy things to keep yourself entertained. Writers write what they know, right? So, at the moment, this is what I know.

So, without further ado, here it is. Well, behind this cut.

The Untitled Story IndexCollapse )
Current Location: the land of dorm
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Once Upon a December (Italian Version)
29 November 2010 @ 09:14 pm
 Right. So, I've been working on a story for runaway_tales and I'm planning on posting a guide for it eventually. It's nothing particularly interesting, don't feel the need to read it, it's just for my own amusement. 

That is all. 

Oh, also, don't be female in a Russian fairy tale. Just...don't do it. 
Current Location: Antarctidorm
Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: Girl With One Eye - Florence + The Machine
02 November 2010 @ 04:35 pm

It's been a while, hasn't it? 

Yeah, well...there's really no excuse. Um, I did a lot of stuff. I changed my major, I got a job, and now I'm...basically exactly where I was before. But employed. Hooray! 

For those curious, I now write for ThinkHero.com, reviewing animated movies and occasionally posting news stories. It's my first time as a contributor to...well, really anything other than my own Blog and LiveJournal, so it's been a lot of fun. If you're into really geeky things, mostly movies and video games, with the occasional bit of comic book stuff, check it out. It's a cool site. 

Let's see...anything else I should point out...? Not really. 

I'm sorry I've been gone for so long. 
Current Location: the dormship enterprise
Current Mood: chipperchipper
20 March 2010 @ 11:24 pm
 I'm sorry I haven't been replying to any comments or posting anything or even just being active in general. A friend of mine, my suitemate, is in the hospital recovering from a brain aneurysm. It's been a stressful and scary couple of days. I promise I'll be more active...eventually. 

Current Location: dorm
Current Mood: worriedworried
Current Music: nothing